Dorothy Gives Advice (p273-p278)

(Setting:  Summoned by the Mad Hatter, Dorothy gives unwelcome advice to the drunken Head Honcho, shortly after the slaughter of protesters by the Juggernaut).

Tears welled in the Honcho’s eyes. "Isn't there anything you can do for me?"

"No. However, I brought along an associate who is well versed in wizardry. Perhaps she can help you." The Hatter waved his sinewy arm with a flourish to announce the presence of a heretofore-unseen companion. "I give you Dorothy", he said grandly.

The Honcho was stunned that someone else was in the room. "Dorothy who?"

Just then, a creamy-skinned, sloe-eyed teenage girl stepped out of a shadow. She was wearing a blue checkered knee length jumper over a white blouse, with sky blue ribbons in her auburn pigtailed hair, sky blue anklets, and glittering ruby slippers. Hooked on her arm was a wicker picnic basket. This bizarre apparition dumbfounded him. He turned to the Hatter for an explanation, but the cretin had vanished.

The pigtailed apparition curtsied clumsily. "Pleased to meet you, Mr. Honcho sir", she spoke through pouty red lips. "I'm Dorothy Gale, and I'm from Kansas."

The Honcho’s head dropped back into his hands as he waged mortal combat with his inebriated imagination.

Dorothy continued the conversation politely. "The Mad Hatter said you needed help. What troubles you? Cyclones? Wicked Witches? Straw men with no brains?"

The Honcho lifted his head slightly. "I'm troubled by millions of straw men who have no brains. I work with government bureaucrats."

"My goodness!" exclaimed Dorothy. "Why, that sounds very scary indeed. I've been chased by wicked witches, nabbed by flying monkeys, sucked up by a twister, and had apples thrown at me by angry trees, but I've never had to deal with anything so frightening as millions of government bureaucrats! I can see now why the Mad Hatter thought you needed help."

The Honcho chuckled at her naive eagerness to help. It seemed preposterous that a cherubic girl of so few years could have any wisdom to share with him. "I suppose you're going to tell me the Great and Powerful Wizard of Oz will fix everything."

"Oh, of course not!" said Dorothy with endearing earnestness. "Glinda, the Good Witch of the North, taught me a much different lesson. If you’re willing, I’ll tell you my story. Perhaps you could learn from it what I did."

The Honcho decided to humor the waif from Kansas, if only because her apparition was more charming than the Mad Hatter’s. "Tell me your tale, young lady", he said grudgingly.

Dorothy sat on the couch and straightened her jumper. In a pubescent voice she said, "I was feeling very sorry for myself one day on Uncle Henry’s farm, so I wondered what life would be like somewhere else. I figured that there must be a place far, far away, where there wasn't any trouble, where all my wishes and dreams would come true, a place beyond the moon and the stars, a truly magical and mystical place that you couldn’t get to by boat or by train. I was looking for fulfillment somewhere over the rainbow, because I was unwilling to deal with my life as it was.

"Fate granted my wish in a painful way. I got caught in a twister after talking with a con man in a traveling sideshow that pretended to know all, see all, and offer all. During the storm, a flying shutter struck me. When I came to, the cyclone had lifted our house and dropped it somewhere over the rainbow, just like I wanted, in a magical place called Oz.

"I met many mysterious people there. There were Good Witches, Bad Witches, Munchkins, and other strange creatures. Everyone in Munchkin City was very gracious to me for crushing the Wicked Witch of the East with my house, but I missed Auntie Em and Uncle Henry terribly and I didn't know how to get back to Kansas. The Good Witch Glinda told me to follow the yellow brick road to the magnificent Emerald City, where the Great and Powerful Oz would grant all of my wishes. To protect me along the way, she gave me the dead witch’s ruby slippers, which had lots of powerful magic. So, once again I was off on a lark to find fulfillment in some faraway magical place, thinking my problems could only be solved by some mystical power.

"On the way to Oz, I met three very dear friends who also desperately wanted help from the mighty Wizard. The Scarecrow needed a brain, since he believed his head was stuffed with nothing but straw. The Tin Man needed a heart, since he believed his metallic chest couldn’t love. The Lion needed courage, since he believed he was a frightened coward inside a ferocious animal's body. They lusted after the deified Wizard's magical power too, so we set off together to get our wishes granted.

"After a hazardous journey, we arrived at the dazzling Emerald City. Unfortunately, when we asked to see the Wizard, we were told that no one ever sees him. This should have been our first clue that something was amiss with our faithful quest, but we persevered. When we finally saw the Wizard, he frightened us terribly. He refused to grant our wishes unless we did the dangerous deed of bringing back the broomstick of the Wicked Witch of the West.

"This seemed impossible. The mighty Wizard probably hoped the quest to get the broomstick would be the end of us, thereby preserving the aura of his omnipotence. But, amazingly, we found within ourselves the cleverness, courage, and love to overcome not only the Witch, but also our own fears.

"When we returned to the Emerald City with the Wicked Witch’s broomstick, we asked again for our wishes to be granted. The Wizard huffed and puffed, clearly perplexed by the success of our adventure. In the meantime, my dog Toto scurried over to a corner of the mighty cathedral where the Great and Powerful Oz presided. Toto pulled back a curtain to reveal a most amazing sight, which triggered an extraordinary epiphany.

"Because of Toto’s curiosity, we discovered that the Great and Powerful Oz was just a fearsome mechanical contraption manipulated by a clever con man. There was no omnipotent Wizard to grant our wishes. Our dreams of mystical magic and mythical wizardry were just self-delusions. The Emerald City was an empty monument to a charade that had duped the citizens of Oz ever since the con man had mysteriously arrived in a hot air balloon.

"But our quest wasn’t for naught. We discovered that we held the power to grant our wishes within ourselves. We didn't need a distant, omnipotent wizard to make us whole. We didn't need magic or spells or enchantment. We had more power and magic deep inside than existed in the entire mythical Emerald City. We just had to believe in it. Oh sure, the defrocked Wizard gave a diploma to the Scarecrow, but it was a mere parchment. The Scarecrow discovered his own intelligence by figuring out how to save me from the Wicked Witch. The Wizard gave the Lion a medal as proof of his courage, but it was a mere piece of iron. The Lion discovered his own bravery and heroism battling the guards at the Witch's castle. The Wizard gave the Tin Man a testimonial verifying his love for his friends, but it was just a string of hollow words. The Tin Man discovered his own heart by caring deeply enough to risk his rusty hide to save me.

"As for me, I learned that my wish to be somewhere over the rainbow, and my quest to find the Great and Powerful Wizard of Oz, were just mistaken diversions to find meaning outside of myself, when the real meaning I needed to discover was there within me all along." Dorothy sighed wistfully, then hooked her arm through her wicker basket handle and stood up. "If you please, I must go now."

"Wait!" shouted the Honcho loudly enough to startle her. "It's not clear what your tale means. Where should I go from here?"

Dorothy turned to face the great and powerful Head Honcho. Her dark eyes radiated an intense passion that strangely belied her otherwise timid adolescence. "Forgive me for what I am about to say", she said in a frail voice that paradoxically commanded attention. "Unlike my Auntie Em, who refused to tell Elvira Gulch exactly what she thought of her, I haven't learned my manners yet. You should go to hell!"

The Honcho was rocked on his heels by this fragile young girl in pigtails, much like the belligerent Lion had been stunned when Dorothy slapped its snout. Normally, the Honcho would have responded to such impudence with a volcanic tirade, but he was numbed by alcohol and intoxicated by her tender innocence. "What....what do you mean?"

"My goodness!" exclaimed Dorothy. "Why, surely you must know what I mean. You work with lots of clever charlatans who pretend to be great and powerful wizards. Millions of people have been drawn to your version of the mythical Emerald City, attracted like flies to the beacon of your sideshow magic. You promise to grant their wishes and make their dreams come true, but all you can really do is lure them over the rainbow into an unfamiliar land where the only potential outcome for their quest is disappointment. You and your fellow wizards purposefully divert them from the real quest they should be embarked on, which is to find themselves within themselves. The best thing you can do for these people is to admit it’s all a big con. Tell them to discover their own intelligence, courage, and love by themselves. Dispel the myths. Defrock yourself and the other Professor Marvel clones. Give back the money you’ve swindled. Then you and the other conniving wizards in Washington who maintain illusions and amass fortunes should climb into hot air balloons and drift away forever."

Suddenly, a scruffy dog wriggled out of Dorothy's basket, jumped onto the floor, and scurried toward the Honcho with a loud yelp. Before his numbed brain could warn his legs, the dog sank its teeth into his ankle. The Honcho yelped. The dog yelped louder. The Honcho roared in pain. Finally, the dog released its bite and scampered off into the darkness.

"Toto! Toto, come back!" shouted Dorothy, chasing after her wayward pet. Her checkered dress billowed above her pumping knees as she evaporated into the darkness at the rear of the caboose. To the Honcho’s amazement, she seemed to run straight through the wall. Her voice, still calling out for Toto, slowly trailed off. But before fading to black, the illusion bid him an unfriendly adieu. "You're a bad man, Mr. Honcho. A very bad man indeed!"