Converting Christians to Ismism (p248-p249)

(Setting:  The Safari Golfer explains how it will be easy to convert Christians to Ismism, because Christians have already embraced the antithesis of the ten commandments as represented by Socialism.)

"Oscar Wilde said the greatest service that could be rendered to Christians would be to convert them to Christianity. Likewise, the greatest service that I can render to Americans is to convert them to Ismism. It would be a shame for Ismism to be the national religion if no one actually practiced it. It would also be a shame if the Honcho didn't get re-elected, which is more to the point."

"That doesn't sound very religious," said Freeman.

"I’m not religious. I am God. Organized religions and God have little in common."

"How are you going to convert Americans to Ismism?"

"I am the Word, according to the gospel of John", explained the Golfer. "I am the Truth. If I say it, it therefore is. My words become the myths and beliefs of other men. I see and think for the masses, which then act on my behalf. We are one. We are me. Like the biblical Yahweh, 'I Am'. Once the masses understand this, their conversion to Ismism will follow. Since I'm going convert Christians to Ismism first, I’ve founded a group called ‘Sincere Christians Righteously Engaged in the Abolition of Morality’. S.C.R.E.A.M. will subtly bastardize Christian principles into the contrary tenets of the new secular state religion, so that the antitheses of the Ten Commandments become the American credo without anyone noticing."

"How is Ismism the antitheses of the Ten Commandments?"

The Safari Golfer patiently enlightened his pagan postulant. "For example, the fifth commandment tells Christians 'Thou shalt not kill'. Ismism exalts killing, through abortion, war, CIA plots, Mafia collaboration, support of right and left wing dictatorships, genocide of native populations, testing of nuclear and biological weapons, subsidies for the tobacco industry, limits on medical aid imposed by national health insurance regulations, and banning of alternative health approaches to protect the doctors’ monopoly.

"The fourth commandment admonishes Christians to honor their parents. Ismism seeks to destroy the nuclear family and make parenting irrelevant. The state is the parent in Ismism, which advocates welfare, government funded day care centers, homosexuality, and militant feminism as the means to obsolete families and make the state an enormous orphanage.

"The seventh commandment instructs Christians not to steal. Theft is a trademark of Ismism. It’s followers confiscate money through income taxes, excise taxes, surtaxes, sales taxes, tariffs, licensing fees, estate taxes, value added taxes, use taxes, property taxes, and any other form of institutionalized theft they can get away with.

"The tenth commandment tells the Christian not to covet his neighbor's house or belongings. Ismism is an orgy of covetousness. Ismists covet everything that isn’t theirs, and if they can’t confiscate what they covet, they outlaw it or declare it to be environmentally dangerous.

"The eighth commandment compels Christians not to bear false witness. Ismism is a proponent of the Big Lie, also known as Political Correctness, which is used to squelch dissenting opinions from the Unbelievers. Ismists abandon truth in favor of slogans that dogmatically defend the Faith, rather than illuminate the masses.

"It’s amazing how many Christians have unwittingly abandoned Christ's philosophy and adopted Ismism", the Golfer concluded. "They have unconsciously repudiated their faith and accepted ours. Most Christians are no longer Christians. They just don't realize it."