Imperialism for Dummies (p189-p190)

(Setting:  The Head Honcho explains why Imperialism is the only way to not appear imperialistic.)

"Sir, the Vhaicamese believe you’re an archetypal American capitalist imperialist, because that's what the communists tell them to think. We need to convince them that you’re really not an imperialist."

"Shit, that's easy", said the Honcho. "To change the mythology of a nation, you take over its mass media, you set up mandatory public schooling to propagate a rewritten history that favorably depicts your hegemony, you infiltrate their government with secret service operatives, you fund a beholden military, and you establish a vicious police force that terrorizes renegades who don’t worship the new mythology. We do it all the time."

"But Sir!" squealed But Sir!. "Are you suggesting that we convince the Vhaicamese we’re not imperialistic by being even more imperialistic?"

"There's no other way to do it", said the Honcho solemnly.

"Why don't we just leave them alone?"

"Don't be foolish. They'd think we were up to something, if we weren't up to something."

"But Sir! That doesn't make any sense."

"Maybe not on our side of the looking glass," said the Honcho. "Look at it this way. If we don't surreptitiously dominate their culture, their politics, and their very lives, just think what those godless communists will do to them."

"Forget about what the godless communists will do to the Vhaicamese", said But Sir!. "Worry about what the American voters will do to you."

"How did it end up like this?" moaned the Head Honcho. "It began with good intentions."